Reading a few posts back its not difficult to figure out there have been rather unnecessary situations and thoughts that became a part of my life. Its not very different now. Its been tough the last 10 years or so since I cleared JEE. I've never quite found the sweet spot. I still believe most of it is due a lot of bad luck but this year reading has helped to change my approach. A bit philosophical as it might sound the fear factor is lot less, the acceptance of challenge is higher and the approach is getting more positive and outright as time passes by. I had always believed that no matter how much I blamed luck it does not change results in the long term and by sheer dedication and hardwork anything and everything can be achieved. I still believe you can accomplish a lot with your efforts but more importantly I've understood the importance of acceptance. There are some things you don't control. Health, family, love and relationships have a huge bearing on success. Career and wealth are important but have little to do with happiness if not balanced with other important components of one's life.
I am guilty of being rude, of poor expression. I've been punished disproportionately for my aggression and rashness. I've been guilty of wanting too much too early. I've lost love and friendshio of some very close ones. I've got poorer. But most of all I've suffered misfortune. I judge an event based on probabilities and some of the things that I've gone through had pretty low probability of hitting me. It affects not too many people. I've never quite found answers to "why me" but then it seems nobody in the world finds answers to such questions. The answer though is pretty simple "move on" and train your mind to seek answers to better questions.
This is not to show off my depression, this post is about acceptance, acknowledgement and confession. As I move on (as I will have to) I shall seek stronger form of myself, to live a life worth living, to set examples, to make a story worth listening to and to be successful which make my failures and misfortunes worthy. I want to be quiet and attacking like a tiger. I want to get that winning spirit back. I want to be positive. I want to take everything that has happened on the chin, work on getting better and hold my head high. I live to attain the peace and satisfaction that my failures deserve.